It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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