U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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