why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
