he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Your dad touched me again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
