Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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