shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
