You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
