shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
