So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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