i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
