I'm going to jail i love you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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