capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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