Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
