um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
