I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
