Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
