i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
