Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
