i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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