i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
