Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just google imaged poop.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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