I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
