Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
