walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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