my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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