are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I understand Curling. That high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
