Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
