Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
