fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
