remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
