Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
