i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
