Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
