what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
