writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
