you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
