Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
