Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
