Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm always down for nudity.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
