On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
