Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
