She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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