So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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