HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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