i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A bitchslap is in order.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
