Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
