Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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