i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She announced her abortion via fbk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
