Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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