you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
