shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
