Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
