Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
