im six kinds of drunk right now
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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